丁丁看样子真得很精明了

Big M always tricks little M when she wants to get something from little M, like a candy, a book or a toy. Usually little M is silly and he feels happy to be tricked.

Tonight I brought both Ms out to play, just as usual. Little M is going with his bike but big M did not want to ride a bike. She wanst to run only. On the way home, big M wanted to ride little M's bike, but little M did not want his sister to ride his bike.
Big M: Michael, what do you want?
Little M: I want nothing.
Big M: Ok, if you let me ride your bike then I will give you nothing.
Little M: No, I want nothing. I want ride my bike. It is my bike.
Big M: Ok, Michael, what do you want to eat?
Little M: Nothing!!!
Big M: OK, I will let you eat nothing after we go home, so please let me ride your bike.
Little M: NO!!! I want to eat nothing. DO NOT ride my bike.

回头看了一下

我好像只有在心情特别糟糕的时候才更新我的blog.
忽然觉得自己真得很不孝顺，回来两年多了，也就会过两次家，每次也就短短的几天工夫，父母年纪大了，现在个个又离婚，我真的应该回去看看他们。
我不知不觉扮演的知心大姐的角色，经常有学生给我讨论他们的人生规划，我很认真给他们指导，可完了以后，我总是很心虚。我这么一个没有目标的人，有什么资格去指导别人呢。

Civil War

I am always surprised mother-in-law, a 60 years old woman, could be so engaged in civil war TV sitcom. I was happy when TV was down in the past week. I hate the TV is on all the time at home full of disgusting stuffs like civil war. It was an unfornate time in this history, and I do not understand why people could enjoy killings among siblings.

生命中不能承受之重

我是一个不能承受生命之重的人。

最近我觉得很压迫，保姆骗了财务公司的钱，跑了，换了一个，公婆来了，好似又不正常了，房子悬在半空中，花光了所有的积蓄，为了一辆千现金回赠和银行唧唧外歪了两个多星期，还是犹豫不决，同时也发觉所有的生意人都是骗子，当你稍微心肠软一点，被骗的风险就会很大，或许这就是都市生活的本质。

我好像有满腹的牢骚，我对自己生活的不满达到了极限。

My Helper Belen

My helper Belen left this morning. Niantao and I sent her to the bus stop in the early morning, and she was crying again. She is an emtional woman and I hope life could become better for her in the future.

Belen is middle-age women with pretty young looking. I always feel surprised how she could keep this young looking with the heavy burden of her family. She has a son who is blind and her husband virtually has already left her alone to take care of kids for quite a few years. The whole family burden lay on her shoulders. This April, she went back to let her son to have an eye surgery with the good wish that her sons' vision could be improved. Unfortunately, the situation was not as good as what she hoped and she has to go back permanetly to take care of him. I know it is hard for her to lose her job here and have to look for some other employment opportunities in her country, but it is good for her and her kids in the long run.

It has been a hard time for us too, especailly for my lovely boy Michael. We had to let gradparents to come again in a rush and hired a new one immiedately. But our whole family will bless for her and hope everything could go fine for her.

买房子

It is super hot in Hong Kong recently and I do not see any hope to get out of this situation soon. Michelle and Michael are bored at home and I cannot do anything with that. Travelling is hard in this hot season with kids. More that that, Jiang does not want to travel at all.

We have been looking for a house for almost a month and even received extra charge with the cellphone plan because of excessive callings. However, we still got nothing. The housing price is rally all the time and I feel hopeless with that. Without enough downpayment and worrying about the bubbles, I am really hestitant to pay a current market price for a crowd apartment. On the other hand, I always feel insecure to rent, especially when the landlord sold the house and the new landlord showed the signal that they wanted to move in. To our surprise, he put it in the market again recently, which is even delivering an even more confusing message to us. I am not sure what he really wants to do. It seems everybody is gambling based on the uncertain information in the future housing market. I really do not know if I should jump in........

买房子

虽然以前也看过房子，但是rent. 现在房东把房子卖了，住在这里感觉随时要被赶走的危险，从五月份开始便有一搭，没一搭的看房子，但是都没有做记录。从今天开始，我要开始做记录，记录的内容有位置，地点，室内的条件，目前住户的人口构成等：

My First External Grant Application

My first external grant application failed!!!

Last wednesday, I run into a colleague in the hallway and she was very excited to tell me that her GRF application was successful. I went back to my office and checked my application. It shows me that my application was unsuccessful. It is exactally my expectation since I almost did not pay any effort on it, but still feel a little bit depressed.

Since I came to Hong Kong, my publications have been pretty successful, which made me feel I can really do the academia. Indeed I didn't invest enough in the grant application, and I do deserve it. However, when I see my colleagues have gotten it, I still feel sad. I started to feel regret. I could have done a better job on it if I treated it same as publications. Emtionally, it is still hard to learn the words "do not take it personally"! But I do believe I will move on.

人生的不同经历

我有很多缺点，但是有的时候我觉得这些缺点也不错，比如说，我容易心血来潮，去干一些不太可能的事情。这次，我大胆冲动地申请了Walden的位置，而且真得去面试了，回过头来我都觉得自己真得很好玩，我想大概归结于自己总想有一些不同的人生经历。

今天的面试，虽然看似我做成Walden的希望很小，但是知道更多的关于学生生活，也意识到成人以后的责任很多时候不仅是对自己的家庭，也有很多别的方面自己可以更好的去尽责任。

两年了

到香港已经两年多了，刚刚看到自己的日志，竟然有一年多没有更新了。好像自从全家团聚了以后，竟然真的没有什么可以写下来的，总结一下：
1，家庭方面，好像吵架的时候减少了一些，可是最近总是莫名的焦躁，似乎总是很狠领导，觉得这个家庭里里外外都要我来操心，他可分担的实在太少。挣扎在工作与家庭之间，琐碎的事情无穷多，而觉得他根本就没想着和我分担。但是我的心里实在觉得自己真得很脆弱，希望可以把他当个依赖，可是总是不可靠。
2，事业方面，还算顺利，已经有5篇文章，大大超过期望，但是心底里总是忐忑不安，总是很焦虑，找不到一个平衡点。